You signed up, you sent the invitation, and nothing happened. It is one of the most common things separated parents run into, and almost nobody talks about it, because it feels like your problem rather than the app’s.
The honest starting point is this: in Ireland and the UK you generally cannot force another adult to install an app. Most of the advice you will find online says otherwise, because most of it is written for American courts. Here is what actually applies where you are, and what is still worth doing.
Can a court make them use it?
Usually not, and it is worth being clear about that before you spend money or energy on the idea.
Family courts in Ireland, England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland are concerned with arrangements for your children, not with which piece of software the two of you use. A judge can make orders about where a child lives, who they spend time with and what maintenance is paid. Ordering a particular app is not a routine part of that, and there is no rule that names one.
That is different from the United States, where a small number of courts have their own arrangements with particular apps and where "court ordered communication app" is a familiar phrase. If you have been reading advice about filing a motion to enforce, you have been reading American advice.
What a court here does pay attention to is the substance: whether arrangements are being kept to, whether a child is being put in the middle, and whether a parent is being obstructive. The tool is not the point. The behaviour is.
Find out what they are actually objecting to
The stated reason and the real reason are often different, and the real one is usually fixable.
- Cost. Several of the best known apps bill each parent separately, so an invitation can land as a bill for a hundred euro or more. If that is the objection, it is worth saying plainly what yours costs them. ParenThing is free for both parents to use, and where a family upgrades it is one subscription for the family rather than one each.
- Being monitored. A shared app can feel like surveillance, particularly to someone who is already defensive. It helps to be specific about what the other person can and cannot see, and to notice that a shared record protects both of you equally.
- It came from you. Sometimes the app is simply the latest thing to disagree about. If that is what is happening, pushing harder will not help, and it may be better to let it sit.
- Practical. Older phone, poor signal, not confident with apps. Worth asking rather than assuming hostility.
If you can name the objection out loud, you can usually answer it. If you cannot, it is a fair sign that the app is not the real argument.
Ask once, clearly, then stop asking
One short, unemotional invitation with a reason attached does more than repeated chasing. Something like: this is so we both have the same calendar and neither of us has to remember who said what. It is free for you.
Then leave it. A standing invitation is more persuasive than a campaign. Repeated asking turns a practical suggestion into a point of principle, and people dig in on points of principle.
If they join later, it is usually because something went wrong that a shared record would have prevented. Keep the door open for that moment rather than trying to win the argument now.
Meet them where they already are
If they will only use text or email, use text or email. A record you actually have beats a better record you do not.
Keep your own side of it in a form you would be comfortable reading aloud in a room full of strangers, because that is roughly the test that matters later. Short, factual, one topic per message, no commentary on them as a person.
Do not let the disagreement about the app become a reason to communicate badly somewhere else.
Keep your own record anyway
This is the part most people miss. A co-parenting app is not only a channel between two people. It is also somewhere to keep the things you will otherwise be trying to remember in a year.
On your own you can still keep the calendar, store documents, note what happened at a handover and track what you have paid. None of that needs the other parent to participate, and all of it is free in ParenThing.
We have written separately about what a co-parenting app is worth when you are the only one on it, including what it can and cannot do for you later.
When to bring someone else in
If the refusal is part of a wider breakdown, the app is a symptom rather than the problem. A family mediator can often restart a conversation that has stopped, and mediation is available in every jurisdiction we cover.
You can find local mediation and free legal advice services through our find help pages, which are organised by country.
If communication has stopped altogether, or if what is happening feels controlling rather than merely difficult, read co-parenting when the other parent will not communicate, which covers what to do when silence is the pattern.
Common questions
Can a court in Ireland or the UK order my ex to use a co-parenting app?
It is not a routine order. Courts here make orders about arrangements for children, not about which software parents use, and no app is approved or named by any court in Ireland, England and Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland. Advice about motions to enforce a parenting app is almost always written for American courts.
Is there any point using a co-parenting app if I am the only one on it?
Yes, for a different reason than you started with. It becomes somewhere to keep your calendar, documents, notes and payments in one place with dates attached, rather than a channel between two people. That is useful later even if the other parent never joins.
They say the app is spying on them. What do I say?
Be specific about what is shared and what is not, and point out that a shared record cuts both ways: it protects them from being misquoted exactly as much as it protects you. If the objection persists, it is rarely really about privacy, and pushing usually makes it worse.
Should I keep inviting them?
Ask clearly once, with the reason and the cost attached, then leave the invitation open. Repeated asking turns a practical suggestion into a contest, and people commit harder to a position they have had to defend.
Start on your own, free
Keep the calendar, the documents and the record in one place, whether or not the other parent ever joins. Free for both parents, and one subscription per family if you upgrade.
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